Crazy me!

Ok so I have been procrastinating this post for a while because I was not sure what I wanted to say. I am trying to express my feelings and thoughts in a way that is helpful to myself but does not make me vulnerable. I've decided that if I am honest then that is not possible so here it goes, honesty it is. Another new year and contemplating what my goals will be for 2011 is a bit overwhelming, I am so tired of the weight loss goal that just haunts me over and over. I loose weight then I gain it back then I loose it then I gain it and it just goes on and on and makes me crazy! I just want to be healthy again and like myself and my image again because these two things conflict my whole life and everything about it! I am tired of feeling like I am out of control in my life and that someone else is driving me through my journey of life instead of me. I guess I really need to make my new goals about me and finding how to put my needs first in life so I can be better for others in my life, this is hard for me because when I do this I feel guilty and when I don't then I resent others. I sound so messed up I know and I probably am but writing my thoughts down I hope is the first step in my journey to reclaim my life and find myself again. I am going to try and record my thoughts throughout my journey and maybe it will help me face my fears and commit to my feelings better so I can work on them and fix me! Well I did it, here is to my journey in 2011, I hope it works and I reach my destination this year. Good luck to me!